Trust in Yourself

Imagine a typical weekday. We wake up in the morning. We get ready for work. We drive to the "office," arrive there and do our thing, and return home. We cook dinner, handle our business, and hopefully get some quality time in before the night is over.

From place to place we go, our attention shifting from task to task, concern to concern. No matter where we go, there we are... right? Isn't it the same-old "you" at each part of the journey?

Well, ordinarily I'd think so. But while I was out the other night I had some mild insight in regard to the different phases of our daily living and (suprise!) the interconnectedness of them all.

I was at a concert, you see, and was feeling quite good. Of my many years of concert going, I would not hesitate to say that my fun-to-intoxication level was higher than it had ever been before (in that, I was having the greatest of times with a relatively meager amount of chemical enhancements). I was simply feeling the "now"-ness of the night, from moment to moment. And accordingly I found myself overwhelmed with "good ideas" galore. The kind of stuff I'd ordinarily be writing down like nobody's business.

But this wasn't the time for taking notes on life. This was the time for listening hard, feeling the rhythm and enjoying each and every present moment. The music washing over me, the energy of the crowd all around me, and "me" right in the middle -- it was one big dance and there was nowhere else to be. And suprisingly, given my horrid fear of not writing good ideas down, I was at total peace with the way things were.

Trust yourself, an inner-voice seemed to be telling me. You'd write these ideas down if you could and you know it. But you can't. And there is a perfectly good reason... you're at an amazing concert. Live the moment.

And so, what little anxiety I had seemed to melt off of me. The inner-voice was right. I certainly wasn't rationalizing to myself and making up an excuse not to get these great ideas down on paper. There was nothing I could do, short of abandoning the concert (which would have been drastic). I thought hard about my "at home and writing" self, the part of me that makes time throughout the week to get the ideas written down, and I had to trust him... trust that he'd get the job done. Finding trust in another part of myself -- as if it was another person, almost -- was a way I'd never looked at things before.

For indeed, there is a time for everything. When we're getting ready for work, we shouldn't have to worry about whether our clothes are clean or if our car has gas or not. At least the way I structure my responsibilities, those are duties my "get ready for tomorrow"-self does the night before. My "morning"-self has to trust that "night before"-self that he'll do his share. And likewise, my "evening relaxing"-self is going to trust that my "work"-self gets his job stuff done during the day, not screwing himself over during the prescious evneing hours.

My "working hard"-self has got to trust that "go out and party"-self is going to do his job well, otherwise its all work and no play. But that "party"-self has equally got to trust the "work"-self to get the important stuff done, or going out will be financially impossible.

So what is the point of looking at things in this light?

Well, I find -- in less than a few days -- that no matter what it is I'm doing, I bring to the living moment a realization that future living-moments invariably depend on this living moment. Sitting with my back straight today (and tomorrow and beyond) makes a definate difference for my 70-year-old self (god willing!). Or, said another ways, my "old person"-self is trusting my youthful-self to take rather good care of the hardware, or things will be quite unpleasant down the road.

So this would be a transition away from seeing yourself as a "single entity," in a certain sense. We aren't just one person -- we are many different people doing many different jobs. Keeping an eye on this can be very important if we're to be the person we're fully capable of becoming. When working out (or generally working hard), for example, we cannot let our "lazy"-self get his foot in the door and start calling the shots. There is a time to be lazy, that is for sure... but we must recognize that time for what it is. And consequently, we must recognize the time when we must work hard, push on, and get the job done well.

Ultimately, I find this way of looking at things to be empowering, in a strange way. Looking at this interconnected web of "trust" may suggest a certain sense of added responsibility to our lives... but is that bad? After all, we are talking about nothing less than the fulfillment of our individual destinies. We're talking about digging down into our deepest stores of energy and motivation to shine light through our each and every action. When I realize that in typing this sentence there are numerous other "me's" out there who are trusting me to do my best in each moment, I offer the challenge. I affirmatively step up to the plate. I'll take it all on. There could be nothing more important. For, just as I place my trust in others, those others are right now placing their trust in me. In this very moment, right now, right now, is what its all building off of.